I lived.

So I have been gone for around a week and there is a reason for that. I was very abruptly admitted to a mental institution. That feels weird to say. I was having yet another of my frequent sensory related unresponsive meltdowns at school on monday morning and I suppose they were finally too tired to deal with it. They made my mom send me to a mental hospital. In all honesty it wasn't too terrible. The food was really good. My eating problems hardly came up while I was there. I only took a shower once because I hate the showers there. I got very smelly. (Don't worry, one of the first things I did when I got home was take a shower.) Honestly, it feels weird to be back at home because I miss how structured the days were. Everything was certain. There was an easy to follow schedule and it was easy for me to do the guided school work. I like having my freedom to do my hobbies and see my family and leave the house if I wanted but god, I miss having a predetermined schedule. I miss having people whose whole jobs were to care for me and schedule my day. I need so much attention and I know that I could never truly get it in the real world and that hurts. We're talking about putting me in a school that better suits my needs. A smaller school with shorter days. I haven't read up on it yet but I like that idea. I don't think I could survive in a normal school environment. It's times like this that I'm glad that I haven't made any friends yet. There is nobody for me to leave. I think things will get better but I just feel this strange sense of loss. I want things to get better and I'm working towards it and I can feel myself getting better but there is something lost when self growth happens I think. Either way, I'm home. I had a very warm welcome from my family and I went to the mall with my mom and her partners and it was great. Everybody here loves me so much and it almost sickens me. I love everybody in my home so much. I am so grateful for what I have now. I am so thankful for my family, for my home, for my pets, for the state of my home, for the state of our income. I feel like I take so much of this for granted but I know it's just my brain lying to me because I have been grateful ever since I have had a life worth living. Ever since my father left I have been nothing but grateful for all of these things. That sort of happens when everything changes for the better, which should be happening again now. Apologies if I got a bit off track but the point is: I'm home and I'm getting everything figured out.